Mountains added to corners

I believe in God. That is probably something you should know about me. I have done since I was 12. And there-in lies the reason today has had a sense of peace to it. The last thing…and first thing…I wrote in this space was that life feels like a constant never-ending corner which I wish would slow down. Well, today someone, something, some circumstance placed a giant mountain in the middle of that corner.

I told my brother I wished life would just calm down; I just wanted one year to breath, where everything works out as planned and fits easily and nicely together. If I had my way I would marry a wonderful man, buy a house, adopt some kids, and welcome everyone and anyone into that space - all while working to make a more fair, inclusive, just world.

But that dream shall have to wait. Because today I had to rest in the knowledge that God can bring beauty from ashes and joy from pain. And that He has plans I don’t know about yet.

A God who created the world and humanity and then said ‘here, it’s yours, have free will I don’t want to control you, go for it - but just a warning if you eat that thing there, you might ruin my perfect plan’

And then humanity ate the thing.

I find free will and the existence of that tree a complex topic. It isn’t an easy 100 word answer you say to someone in a elevator heading to floor 6. It isn’t an easy A,B,C thing. It is complex, annoying as hell thing to get your head around…or not in my case.

However my life experiences, the things I have felt - emotionally, physically in some cases - and known, have shown me that God is there. I believe that He knows me, He knows us all and that when curve balls come, when our worlds turn upside down and spin us in circles - He is there next to us.

I believe He will help me climb this mountain thrown into my corner.

I know Him to be gentle, to be kind, to be firm and loving. I know Him to walk alongside me. He doesn’t take all the pain away, He doesn’t click His fingers and make everything better - at least that isn’t my experience - but He walks with me, hand in hand through all the mess.

That was what I felt today; it is the only reason I have for why I didn’t end up on my kitchen floor crying. This God who is such a mystery to me made me feel safe in the chaos.

So today, if you are reading this, I hope you know the peace of God. Somehow and in some way, that you know He holds your hand through it all.

R/