not until you look behind

It happens so quickly this time thing. The seasons change behind you as you move through day to day and suddenly it's 'how many weeks until you fly?' 'When are you coming back, are you coming back?' And 'how do we finish this well'.The summer crept up on me this year, somehow the endless blue skies didn't give it away. There have been fewer goodbyes (thank you Dumnezeu) and no thoughts of a summer alone in a house. This year has passed a bit like a dream, one dreamt a million times over which you only realise actually happened when you are looking behind you. The time moves on and on and somehow I'm here, planning time off to sleep and dream bigger, travel a bit and then return...hopefully with more fire in my belly and better language skills and dreams and plans a bit bigger and wider and higher than before. We sat on the balcony of the green/blue house the other day; Looking out at the view, praying for this time apart that we have before us... And I found myself being in awe that somehow I had become one of them. The ones who just stayed a bit longer, and suddenly in 3 months I'll be into the fourth year here... the one who is meant to know how it goes. Working with these people, I don't know how to explain it, it's beautiful, heart breakingly, joy bringingly beautiful. I've realised more than every now that change happens slowly and gently and often in a way you don't realise until you look behind you. I'm spending the week at Tauț, helping with cleaning and organising and making sure the visitors have what they need. It's a different type of work and it's the most beautiful place to be. R/