share it once you’re through it

Share it once you are through it.

Wise words in an age where all things happen on social media and there is a sense among us that the lack of social media evidence means it did not happen, and where social media has become a place in which advise and life lessons are poured out.

I’m all for that - the sharing of life. The sharing of your lessons and your coping mechanisms.

But I heed those words…share it once you are through it…because sharing before something is processes, before something is fully healed, can in many ways damage you and damage those you speak to. You end up speaking from pain instead, like a gunshot victim telling someone else how to heal while they bleed out.

It’s on my mind from a book I just read, I won’t say which one because it’ll ruin it for you.

It’s also on my mind because I realised once again this week that the things I had decided were healed and done, weren’t. The crept up on me, switched me upside down and left me wondering how long it takes to heal from some things.

I’ve done the therapy, the processing, the boundaries and now am left with small marks and remnants of pain that happen at the most unexpected moment.

If you are reading this I know it seems cryptic - unfair maybe to not share the details of what I am actually writing about, and in complete defiance of what I said at the start of this ramble.

But I guess I am learning that the stages of coming through something are slow and steady.

The reality of the healing is that it takes longer than the moments of pain, or trauma. I’m 80% there, still unpicking the end knots.

There are a million lessons I’ve learnt along the way, ones I endless whip out in conversations with friends as we put the world to rights. But somehow I feel less qualified to share them in public, on this unknown but nevertheless public space for all to see.

I’ll share it when I am through it. Maybe, one day.

For now. Know this. The not sharing actually helps. The allowing yourself the space and time to just be. Be in the repairing and the healing and the frustrating pain you sometimes cannot shake. Also, allow yourself to be in the moments of joy and moments when it doesn’t feel like it is there any longer. Allow yourself the space you need, the time you need.

There is no time limit on how long it takes to get through something, and no time limit on when or if you should ever share your own experience or life lessons.

Sending anyone reading this the most amount of love, because right now, God knows, we need hugs.

R/